A Message.

Dear readers,

I should like to remind you that it is because of you, not me, that this column continues to be published. I have done my best so far to answer your every request, but still I am noticing a steady decline in the number of letters being sent in.

If you are afraid of overwhelming me with too many questions, understand there is no need to be. As you have seen already in the past, there is no matter too trifling — or too unusual — to consult me about. I hope you continue sending in letters, as I thoroughly enjoy being able to offer my advice.

With as much love as I can give,


filed under » #dear tsunpo #yes this post is queued too and it is not a joke #the queue runs out after next week #i'll be here to re-fill it again #but i need more messages while i'm gone #and wow bansai took a level in vague insincerity 

Anonymous sent:
Dear Tsunpo, I was greatly moved by Otsu-dono's message of following your dreams no matter what, so I am writing to you as Otsu-dono's producer for your advice on this matter. I am a young up-and-coming rap artist who is known for his fresh and daring lyrics and street-presence. My friends have not been supportive of my dreams, however. How could I go about winning them over to my cause? Yours, Anonymous. P.S. It's not Anonymous, it's Katsura.

Dear Katsura-san,

You are asking me to help you with your career, then?

I regret to inform you that you are going to have to build your own reputation, lest you be condemned as nothing more than hype. It is just as you have said of our Otsu-chan’s message: you must follow your dream first, and only after braving hardships will you finally reach it. You may find people who will appreciate your music by performing on the street or at events, and you can slowly build a fanbase until the agents have to notice you. It is most unfortunate that your friends do not support you as you feel they should, but quite frankly they are unnecessary. This is about you, not them — if you cannot win them over, perhaps that is for the best. When you do become something great, you can show them just how wrong they were. Is that not much more fulfilling?

filed under » #dear tsunpo #bansai resists the urge to point out that katsura shouldn't be giving his name #and instead offers the bullshittiest speech to ever not actually be spoken #note how he does not once offer to be his producer #he's definitely trying to get rid of him #put that thing back where it came from or so help me 

Anonymous sent:
Dear Tsumpo, is it possible that the fact the man I like has only one eye might be the reason why he can't notice me?

Dear Anonymous,

Might I suggest standing on the side where he can see you, then? And saying something that he may be interested in? If he still does not notice you, it is safe to assume he is in fact ignoring you. How you take that is entirely up to you.

filed under » #dear tsunpo #this is all very easy for bansai to say #mr. right hand man is always where he can be seen 

Anonymous sent:
dear tsunpo, killing is wrong. be careful when walking, you might step on a ladybug.

Dear Anonymous,

Your campaign for the safety of ladybugs is moving. I wish you luck in spreading awareness.

filed under » #dear tsunpo #bansai laughs at u 

// farewell. I am gone

filed under » #queued posts are still running of course..... #i'm literally turning off the phone right now so i won't get distracted in the morninh #i already tried typing that three times only to notice typos right after i'm done so long and good night #i'll make sure to have hella fun 


"I do not think you were alone at all," he said. "I contributed as well. But in any case, it would be contradictory if you did not merit my respect. After all, that violates the golden rule I follow."

Treat others the way you want to be treated. Vlad knew he had violated that in favor of acting somewhat silly recently, but it was something he could do quite naturally. “I will probably try to be as polite as I am right now next time we see each other. See you later, Sparzha-san.”

"Is that so?" He couldn’t help but feel the politeness was a mockery, after all that had happened. But then again, wasn’t his own behaviour the same? "I cannot say I understand, but I will remember that."

After a few more steps into the shadows of the alley, he turned back and gave a proper bow. “Until next time, then.”

(Source: tamashii-no-kyoku)

filed under » #moniekandvlad #it gets progressively harder to convince myself bansai isn't being sincere here #dude doesn't even know how to wave he has to be real hecking formal and that's what gives it away that he actually doesn't want to be friends #that is literally it #bansai 101 could be a real course and people would learn amazing things in it 

The Enemy of My Enemy


Alexei was the first to see Bansai bolt to his feet and start to reel back and let out a startled cry, but Vlad was the faster one between them. He rushed to catch Bansai by grabbing his shoulders before he could fall backwards and carefully guided him back down towards the sofa, blinking a few times in surprise.

"I am glad you are awake, but you really should not move like that yet," Vlad said, frazzled. "After all, you still are not fully recovered."

Listening for a moment to the rain pounding away on the eaves, Alexei stood up and watched as his father tried to ensure that Bansai wouldn’t hurt himself even more.

"Most of your wounds were superficial, but your wrist was fractured," Vlad said. "I had to set it, so I would advise against using it for a few weeks. Fingers only."

Alexei had seen enough sports injuries in his time that he could tell where this was going — Bansai would probably have to use flatware, write with his opposite hand and not play that shamisen of his for the next five to eight weeks. His eyes went wide when he thought of the latter issue, wondering if that meant he wouldn’t be able to cause any casualties in that time.

"Bansai-san, do you remember what happened?" Alexei asked, looking at his forehead instead of his eyes. "I brought you here after you were shot at."

For a moment, Bansai felt a near-overwhelming need to pull himself free and run for the door, then the reality set in at last that he couldn’t. He allowed himself to be sat back down, but didn’t relax at all.

Gradually, the world re-focused and began to make sense again. Or about as much sense as it ever did. He was too weak to stand, or at least would have to be careful next time he tried, only half-dressed, and the only music he could hear was that of the two rather concerned men in the room with him. He had no solid memory of this room, but there was more than a faint impression of how he’d gotten here even before Alyosha saw fit to remind him.

Suddenly the floor looked very interesting.

Despite the fear these two seemed to have that he’d injure himself further, the pain was nothing he couldn’t handle this time. But it certainly had been before, so, that meant…

“‘Superficial’?” Bansai kept his eyes down. “I do not believe it; this was far too much to be described as that. Something seems most unusual here. I have been in similar situations in the past, you know.” And every time before, it had been allies with no real choice in the matter who’d helped him.

It was hard to decide what was more alarming: that he’d been considered worth saving without hesitation, or just that Takasugi didn’t know where he was this time.

Some combination of the two kept him oddly quiet, every muscle tensed.

Finally, after a pause he couldn’t quite measure the length of, he looked up again. “But… before I can question anything else… how long has it been?”

(Source: tamashii-no-kyoku)

filed under » #shamanalexei #bansai ain't havin none of this shit #he thinks the realization has sunk in that these guys saved his life but it really hasn't yet #too much internal panic to work through first #also keep in mind if you lie to him he'll know and probably end up making things worse #so. go ahead but just keep that in mind #also it hasn't sunk in what the broken wrist means yet #that'll take a moment and an attempt to use it #he's just not thinking about the right things right now #but hmmmmmmm when i get back we'll have to work out how to drag takasugi into this 


do you ever wonder how people describe you to other people who have never met you

filed under » #bansai.jpg #i'M SORRY I SAW THE OPPORTUNITY AND I TOOK IT #i had to go through 14 pages of my me tag on my personal to find that image 

// creates #StopVlad2k14 but at the same time is plotting everything to make the situation worse

filed under » #i'm glad to see we have our priorities straight #delete later 


With the coast apparently clear, Moniek stepped towards the wall and sank his fingers into the mortar, ripping the space as if it were a giant piece of paper. He acted quickly, tearing a hole large enough for him to crawl through to the other side.

The interior of the tonkatsu restaurant on the other side of the rift was still well-lit, but Moniek couldn’t see anybody in the dining area. However, he could see his wallet resting undisturbed on a cushion at the bar. It must’ve been past closing time — he could hear voices nearby, but didn’t see anyone in the dining room.

This would be easy: he’d step through, very quietly and quickly pick up his wallet, and open a portal home before he could be caught. Not the messiest operation he’d ever do.

Finally, he stepped through to the other side of the rift, resealing it as his thirty-second mission began.

Well, that was new. Rather than slowly — or quickly — grow quieter until it was out of earshot, the man’s song stopped rather abruptly. As though he was killed… no, there was not enough change beforehand for that.

As though he’d simply ceased to exist.

For fear of being spotted himself, Bansai wasn’t close enough to see just how the man vanished, but he was sure he saw a glimpse of a light somewhere in the alley. Others passing by seemed to notice it too, so it wasn’t his imagination, but it was gone before anyone thought to investigate.

For a moment he froze, startled, but honestly, with that family, this should not be so big of a surprise. Merely a curiosity. Perhaps he’d ask Alyosha— no, Alexei-san about it when the time was right.

(Source: tamashii-no-kyoku)

filed under » #moniekandvlad #hmm. probably because they are troublesome #all this not leaving his life (though that's honestly his fault) #and anyone he is even slightly interested in that isn't relevant to the plan is obviously just getting in the way #yes. thank you for your music comparison contribution #on the subject of 'shady' it's come up a few times (i use it on purpose sometimes) throughout my bansai-writing career #and i still laugh every time #it's like having 'takasugi' and 'short' in the same sentence #and i really need to work out just how far away bansai can hear people #but i think it depends 


The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single fucking one of them

(Source: simpl-ic-ity)

filed under » #banmatsu #also bansai and vlad recently #oh god what have we done 

Anonymous sent:
If you're the Vegeta of your group, does this make Henpeita the Krillin and Takasugi the Yamcha of the kiheitai?

"Are you really going to make me put disrespectful captions on every Dragon Ball character now?”

filed under » #stop. #i don't know any more about dbz than is referenced in gintama 

Anonymous sent:
Why does your hair look like Vegeta's? Are you trying to become the Prince of Saiyans?

"I see no resemblance whatsoever. If I am going to become the Saiyan Prince, I will do so as my own character, not a knock-off of someone like him."

filed under » #bansai the actual five-year-old strikes again #uh a lot of that had nothing to do with the hair............... #the jpeg artifacts got a lot worse than i thought they would but they really add to it i think 

(Source: safehouseusa)

filed under » #bansai.jpg #don't even lie 

I've done it





kirby is over


(Source: dj-fuck)

filed under » #music #i have been enlightened